Entering perimenopause: a new phase
The symptoms started about a year ago, first with the night sweats, then with the hot flashes. I didn’t think much of it at first, blaming my cat’s nightly ritual of snuggling me as the reason for waking up overheated. Finding a justification for everything I was feeling became normal. When I’d break out into a sweat after putting my shoes on, it was because the apartment was too hot. The memory loss; unable to remember where I had left that thing for the millionth time, and the brain fog; difficulty formulating the simplest thought - well, it’s just me getting old. When the joint pains came, it was because I was over-exercising or sitting down too much, and when I would suddenly be overwhelmed with fatigue, it was that I had too much gluten and my histamine intolerance was flaring up.
A few years before this, I started paying attention to the changes in my body during each phase. Monitoring my cycle was part of my healing journey to reconnect with myself. I tried to stay in tune with my rhythm and even purchased the ‘Cycles Journal’ that I kept notes in. I learned that two weeks before my menstrual cycle started, I needed to slow down my workload, and one week before my period came, I knew I needed to be extra gentle with myself because I'd get insomnia. Lack of sleep can make anyone short-tempered and emotional, but I was feeling extremes more often than I care to admit. When I was late for my period the first time, I patiently waited (almost a week) for it to arrive. The second time it was late, I kept checking my period app to make sure I didn’t input information incorrectly. Each time it was late, I held my breath and each time it arrived, I would breathe a sigh of relief. When my flow became inconsistent I found it curious, yet I brushed it off. I was witnessing the changes, but thought “no big deal.”
Menopause had never crossed my mind, and why would it? I’m just ending my 30’s. I thought maybe all of these changes were stress-related, but as the months went on and the symptoms persisted, changed, disappeared and reappeared, I felt like I was going a little crazy. In January my heart started racing out of nowhere. By February I was getting random UTI’s. What was going on with me? Stress can do a lot to someone, but I didn’t feel stressed. Should I be going to see a doctor? I booked an appointment, and while I waited I did what most normal people would do, I turned to Google. What it led to was not what I was expecting. I went down a rabbit hole.
Perimenopause. That’s a thing? The word is now part of my regular vocabulary. The other day my child overheard me talking about it and said, “what is that? It sounds like a shellfish, like a shrimp.”
Perimenopause, I learned, can be similar to PMS but cause mood swings that are unrelated to your menstrual cycle. Turns out perimenopause can occur in women 2 to 10 years before menopause. That’s a big time range! And of course, like with most things related to our bodies, the symptoms can vary drastically from person to person. Of course it made sense there would be a transition period for this. For some reason I just imagined menopause as something that one day you wake up with - not as something your body prepared for. While part of me felt relieved to know what I was experiencing was normal, I was navigating other feelings, like confusion and anxiety. No one is talking about this. Why? No elders, no matriarchs in my life. The closest I ever got to discussing it within my own family was learning a few years back that my birth mom conceived me when she was in her early 40’s. It was a big surprise for everyone because she was already menopausal. Beyond that, no one mentioned perimenopause or menopause, just that, “it’s a thing that happens to women.”
When I found out what I was going through, I shared a post about it in my Instagram stories. A few asked - what is perimenopause? Three women reached out to me saying they were going through something similar. One confessed that she was questioning her value in society if she could no longer bear children. Another shared that their hormones were all over the place and were taking a concoction of vitamins. Another sent me information about how seed cycling was helpful for her. I'd never heard of seed cycling, but I bought myself flax seeds and sunflower seeds to eat. I also started drinking herbal tea based on my phase, finding a company called Soulful Tea Blends. I wanted to gain control of myself, even if it meant accepting I’m not in control at all.
While my body continues to change, my fears of the next phase of life wax and wane. I share many of the same questions as the other women. What place will I have in society? Will I feel good about myself? What will happen to my sex drive? Will I be aged out of society, brushed aside and forgotten? Will I be seen as emotionally unstable, just an angry bitch? Although I have mixed feelings about this phase, I find comfort from the shared experiences of women like me and the supportive community I’ve found. From herbal teas to new self-care routines, each step reminds me that embracing change can be empowering. Although the path feels uncertain, aging is a natural part of life—a journey we must go through, each in our own way. By opening up about my own experience, I hope to spark more conversations about perimenopause, so that together we can redefine this commonly unspoken transition as a shared and supported part of our lives.
Are you experiencing perimenopause? If you feel like connecting, I’d love to hear what is helping you. CONTACT ME with the subject “PERIMENOPAUSE.”
A few pages of symptoms from the book “The New Menopause” by Dr. Marie Claire Haver.
“Here are many of the symptoms that may be related to perimenopause or menopause. (There are strategies to manage these symptoms).”
Acid reflux/GERD
Acne
Alcohol tolerance changes
Bloating
Body composition changes/belly fat
Crawling skin sensations
Decreased desire for sex
Dental problems
Depression
Difficulty concentrating
Dizzy spells
Dry or itchy eyes
Dry mouth
Dry skin
Eczema
Electric shock sensations
Fatigue
Fibromyalgia
Frozen shoulder
Genitourinary syndrome
Headaches
Heart palpitations
High cholesterol/high triglycerides
Hot flashes
Incontinence
Insulin resistance
Irritable bowel syndrome
Body odor
Anxiety
Brain fog
Arthralgia (joint pain)
Breast tenderness/soreness
Arthritis
Brittle nails
Irritability
Asthma
Burning sensation in the mouth/tongue
Itchy ears
Autoimmune disease (new or worsening)
Chronic fatigue syndrome
Itchy skin
Kidney stones
Memory issues
Menstrual cycle changes
Mental health disorders
Migraines
Mood changes
Muscle aches
Night sweats
Nonalcoholic fatty liver disease
Osteoporosis
Pain with intercourse
Sarcopenia (muscle loss)
Sleep apnea
Sleep disturbances
Thinning hair (on head)
Thinning skin
Tingling extremities
Tinnitus
TMJ (temporomandibular disorder)
Unwanted hair growth (whiskers)
Urinary tract infections
Vaginal dryness
For free resources on perimenopause and menopause head to: www.thepauselife.com.
